bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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