my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize