Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
