he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
