new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
