I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
