You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
