why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
