At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
