This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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