is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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