I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
