I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
everyone is single if you try hard enough
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
