9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
