Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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