She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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