You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
