I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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