arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
