you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
