There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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