stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
