I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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