i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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