Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
