Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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