just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
