Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
