I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
