Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
