in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
