haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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