I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
