I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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