turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
