found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
