Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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