just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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