420 ftw
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
