i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
