dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worst night to have a conscience
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
