we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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