hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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