There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize