Please, let me fuck your mom
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
