I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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