3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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