hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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