We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
