this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
