This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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