just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
