You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
