I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
