Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
