exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
