i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize