I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
