Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize