I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
