Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
