she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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