It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
