I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
