Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize