i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
