Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
