When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
